I am deviating this week and writing about a strange massage I had recently….
You know how the cobbler’s children have no shoes? Yeah, that is me. I work hard at massage and don’t make time for it myself.
Don’t Wait Until Last Minute
Anyway, my neck was hurting and I had a ton of stress. I know better than to try to schedule a last minute massage, but it happens. I did some google searching and found a place close by with lots of 5-star reviews. (I’m not going to name the place.) I really didn’t know what kind of place it was but I asked if the therapists were licensed and the person who answered the phone assured me that they were, so I scheduled for later that day.
As you can imagine, I am super picky when I get a massage. That is a problem. Another problem is that I have a hard time turning off my brain. I think things like, “Ooh, what is that? I’ll have to try that on my next massage.” Or, “What in the world? No, just no.” I don’t write bad reviews for massages; I just don’t go back.
Anyway, I was assigned a male massage therapist. I don’t mind that, though I know a lot of folks do. However, I didn’t speak his language and he didn’t speak much of mine. Overall, it was a fine massage. But some strange things happened….
The Strange Things That Happened
First bad thing that happened was that he rushed me getting on the table. Thankful he knocked.
Second bad thing was the positively awful table. Definitely not his fault. When you work at a spa, you are stuck with what they have. The part on a massage table where you put your face is called a face cradle. Theirs was just a face-sized hole in the table. This is a problem if your neck hurts. The cervical spine (your neck) curves. A face cradle that is flush with the table doesn’t allow for this curvature and it gets uncomfortable pretty quickly.
Bumped By A Belly
I started face down and the massage therapist started working on my back and neck. I shudder a bit to tell you this because it is not good. Here goes. His belly kept hitting my head when he was working down my back. It is one thing for your shirt to brush up on someone, but it was his stomach. And I was kind of stuck. At least it didn’t hurt. But it was very strange. What am I going to say, though? Seriously, I was face down and didn’t speak his language. So I put up with it for a few minutes.
The massage therapist was working hard. He even got to where he was breathing hard. Never had that happen before for a Swedish massage. Giving a massage is a lot of work, for sure, but I kept thinking that maybe if he slowed down, he might not be breathing so hard. Or maybe he just wasn’t in very good shape. Not sure. But strange, nonetheless.
Another thing that drove me crazy – would you believe they had the same song on a loop the entire time I was there? This happened before at a different place and it drove me crazy then. I could not believe it. I brought it up to the massage therapist and he kind of laughed and said nothing about it. I’m not sure if he really understood what I was saying.
The Worst Part
But here is the worst part. Ugh. I had asked for some stretching because I wanted to try it out. He did a good job on the stretching. It was the draping that was a problem. Draping is what we do with the sheet to preserve modesty. So there was one stretch where I was on my back and he bent my leg and twisted the lower half of my body in the opposite direction to stretch my back. It did feel really good on my lower back. But he didn’t re-drape, so I’m sure he got an eyeful. Thank God I had an undergarment on. That part makes me angry. Completely uncalled for. Shouldn’t have happened.
Length of Massage
I scheduled a 90 minute massage as I always do. This place takes off 10 minutes at the end to allow for changing clothes. (OK, not that unusual, but I still don’t like it. That’s why, if you show up on time at my place, you get the full length of your appointment.) So, of my 80 minute massage, a full 60 minutes was face down. Not too fun if the face cradle is uncomfortable. My school taught to do the same amount of time with the client face up as face down. But I understand there are different methodologies. Still, I didn’t quite get it.
All this to say, you just never know what you’re going to get when you schedule a same-day massage for a place you found on Google.
Want to keep your friends from having a strange massage experience like I had? I’d sure appreciate it if you’d give them my information. It is such a great compliment when clients refer people. You know I will take good care of them. Thank you for trusting me.
New clients, please text me at 972.813.9083 and I’ll get you set up. Existing clients, please book here or text me at 972.813.9083.